Better Know a Noble

Wedding of
Naomi Boyarsky
and
Yoni Noble
May 26, 2008
21st of Iyar, 5768


We dedicate our wedding to Hashem and to our parents, without whom we would not be.

B”SD
Our Dearest Loved Ones,

We are so excited to be able to share with you this very special moment in our lives! Each of you has played a crucial role in our intellectual, emotional, and spiritual growth, and we respect you greatly for it. We are thrilled to have you in our lives and pray we will continue to share many more monumental moments together, please God.

A Jewish wedding is full of meaningful rituals and customs. It is our hope that by reading this pamphlet you will better understand and appreciate our wedding.

There are three major components to a Jewish wedding as we practice it today: the kabbalas panim/reception hour, the Chuppah ceremony, and the festive meal.

Kabbalas Panim/Reception Hour

Kabbalas Panim literally means “greeting of faces.” This is the time when guests arrive at the wedding and greet the bride and groom. Since the groom (chosson) and bride (kallah) are compared to a king and queen, a reception is held in their honor on the day of their wedding. Jonathan is seated at the head of the table and Naomi on a throne-like chair, as relatives, friends, and honored guests come to greet us and offer their good wishes. Since Naomi and Jonathan do not see each other the week before the wedding, these receptions are held in separate rooms. We are anxiously waiting to greet you, so please do come over and say “hello”. Both of us would absolutely LOVE to hug and kiss everyone, but in accordance to Jewish law, Jonathan can only hug and kiss men, and Naomi can only hug and kiss the ladies. After you greet us, be sure to have something to eat from the two rooms, although the food is usually better where the bride is.

During Kabbalas Panim, Jonathan signs two Jewish legal documents: the tennaim and the ketubah. The tennaim, lit. “conditions,” is a legal document that became customary to write during an engagement in Europe in the Middle Ages. It traditionally contained conditions agreed upon by the two families that were joining. Nowadays, we sign a similar version promising to be open with each other financially. After it is read and signed, Ma Boyarsky and Mom Noble will break a china plate, tempering this moment of great joy with a reminder of the destruction of the Temple in Jerusalem. Also, just as this plate is irreversible, so too should be the engagement.

The second document is the marriage contract, the ketubah, an agreement in which the groom obligates himself to cherish, support, and sustain his bride. In it, Jonathan promises to support Naomi in various ways, including to provide her with food and clothing and to redeem her in case she is captured by bandits! The ketubah is the original premarital contract. The rabbis ordained that a man may not remain married without giving a ketubah to his wife as a means of security for her. It is therefore read to Jonathan at the beginning of the wedding, in the presence of two witnesses who will sign it, so that he may give it to Naomi as soon as they commit to their marriage under the chuppah.

The tennaim are read aloud here, but the ketubah will be read aloud to the couple under the chuppah. In addition, it is customary for the groom to deliver a short Torah discourse, or dvar Torah, at the Kabbalas Panim.

The Bedeken- “To Check”

After the dvar Torah, family and friends dance to accompany Jonathan as he goes to greet Naomi and perform the bedekin ceremony, the veiling of the bride. Jonathan lowers the veil over Naomi’s face, reminiscent of when Rebecca saw her husband-to-be, Isaac, for the first time, she took the veil and covered herself (Genesis 24:15). This is the Biblical allusion to the Badeken. The tradition also symbolically infers that by covering Naomi’s face, her physicality, Jonathan shows that he wishes to marry her for her whole being. Once Naomi is veiled, she receives blessings from her father.
The men then dance Jonathan back out and the guests proceed to the chuppah where the ceremony will take place. Men and women are seated separately on either side of the aisle, both enjoying clear and equal visibility of the chuppah.

Chupah (“Canopy”) Ceremony

The Chuppah is a canopy, representing the future home that Naomi and Jonathan will build together, please God. It is open on four sides to reflect the Jewish home being open to all. Just as Abraham welcomed guests from all directions, you are all always welcome to our future home (or apartment)!

Naomi and Jonathan are both escorted to the chuppah by their parents to represent the unification of the two families. The candles the parents hold are symbolic that Jonathan and Naomi’s marriage should be one of light and happiness, please God.
When Jonathan reaches the Chuppah, he dons a kittel with the help of Mom Noble. A kittel is a white robe worn to represent the purity one attains on his wedding day. This is because the Talmud teaches us that on a person’s wedding day, all of his sins are forgiven. In addition, a small amount of ashes is placed on Jonathan’s head, as a sign of mourning for the loss of the temple.

When Naomi arrives at the chuppah, she circles Jonathan seven times, figuratively building the walls of their new home. This circling has its origins in Kabbala and has been explained as a re-enactment of the revolutions of the world in the process of creation. This is to show that marriage is also a new process of creation. Additionally, seven alludes to the dimension beyond the physical, into the realm of the spiritual. Just as Shabbos (the 7th day) infuses the week with holiness, so too does the spiritual bond between husband and wife infuse their relationship with holiness. A singer will simultaneously bless their marriage through a song.

Following the song is one of the most important parts of the ceremony: the kiddushin. Kiddushin, which literally means “consecration,” refers to Jonathan’s consecration of Naomi to be his wife. First, two blessings are made over a full cup of wine, a traditional symbol of joy. The blessings are made to express thanks to God for the sanctity of marriage. The consecration occurs when Jonathan places a ring that he owns on Naomi’s finger and recites the Hebrew phrase:
“Behold you are sanctified to me through this ring in accordance with the religion of Moses and Israel.”
According to Jewish law, at this point Jonathan and Naomi are married! (Yay!!!)

One honored guest is called to the chuppah to read the ketubah aloud. The ketubah is read aloud to separate between the kiddushin (betrothal) and nissuin (marriage). Nissuin literally, “to carry/lift”, is the ceremony of spiritually lifting the chosson and kallah into the married state. Jonathan gives the ketubah to Naomi, who hands it to Ma Boyarsky for safe-keeping.
During the nissuin part, a number of honored guests are called up to the chuppah to bless the bride and groom according to the traditional sheva brachos or “seven blessings.” This is in line with the Talmudic adage, “a bride without a blessing is forbidden to her husband.” That is, before any new couple starts life together, we bless their endeavor so that it should be successful. The chuppah ceremony is concluded when Jonathan breaks the glass to remind us of the destruction of the Temple in Jerusalem, which occurred about 2,000 years ago.

Cheers of “MAZEL TOV!” and “Hurray!” echo through the crowd, as Naomi and Jonathan are escorted down the aisle by singing and dancing guests.

Naomi and Jonathan are danced down the aisle to the yichud (seclusion) room, where they are alone for their first moments as husband and wife. In Jewish law, a man and woman may not be alone together in a secluded location before being married. Naomi and Jonathan now enter the yichud room to show that they are officially married. During this time, the wedding party will commence and food will be served.


Festive Meal

Feel free to start the meal right after the chuppah. We will be taking [quick] pictures, so please do not wait for us to start eating. When we return, expect to dance with us on the dance floor! Although the seating at the reception may be mixed, the men dance with Jonathan on one side of the partition, while the women dance with Naomi on the other side of the partition. It is a great mitzvah to dance before the bride and groom, so guests generally attempt to entertain the couple with funny tricks and jokes. Feel welcome to bring silly props to dance with- the funnier and wackier, the better. We fully endorse a good time for all!

In between dancing, try to have a bite to eat. At the end of the meal, birkas hamazon or “grace after meals,” is recited. This includes another of the sheva brachos, the seven blessings recited by some of our guests.

The seven days after a wedding are considered a festive time for the couple. Whenever they have a formal meal during these seven days, the sheva brachos are recited at the meal’s conclusion. One new person who was not present at the wedding or other sheva brachos must be present at each meal. This custom of continued celebration follows the example of Jacob and Leah’s celebration that lasted one week.

Finally, we want to express our sincere thanks to you for your respect. We understand that some of the customs at our wedding may seem unusual for some, and it means a great deal to us that you are so accommodating. We hope our wedding will be a new and exciting experience for all!

We CANNOT wait to celebrate with you!

With love and respect always,
Naomi and Jonathan (Yoni)